Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
