Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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