I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
