We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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