everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
