my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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