I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
