Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
