trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
