They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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