I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize