Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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