Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize