his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize