Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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