just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
