I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
