my mouth tastes like poor choices
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
