I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
