i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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