You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
