I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
