U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
