So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
