She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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