You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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