There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
