I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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