Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it because I queefed?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
