Don't you send me to vm
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
