i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
