ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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