Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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