They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize