dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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