When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
