Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
