1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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