I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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