I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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