Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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