i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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