so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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