I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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