My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
