Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
