So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
