forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
