jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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