If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
