His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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