Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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