he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
