forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every concussion has its silver lining
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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