I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
