Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
