Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
