I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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