don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
