I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize