How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
