I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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