You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
