If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
