Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize