She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
