He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
