Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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