You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize