Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
