Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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