Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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